Lavender
by Anti-Mattering
Summary: Aoi and Miyu have an uneventful day playing a video game.


Unlike its normally dour state, the Zaizen home was abuzz with life. For the first time in her entire life, Aoi had a friend over – Miyu. That was already a good enough reason to be happy, the complete insanity of the last year or so worth of events finally coming to an end being another.

They were alone for the day, Akira working late as usual now that he'd been promoted at SOL. It wasn't much of a concern here, the two more than able to occupy their time by themselves. For the last several minutes, that took the form of an idol-themed dance game, Aoi having just finished beating Miyu with such severity that it would be prosecuted as a war crime if it happened on the battlefield.

"You're cheating!" Miyu whined as she waved her arms. "It's not fair when you're Blue Angel!"

"Why did you pick this game, then?" Aoi asked.

"I was going to beat you at your own game but then you turned out to be too good! It's not fair!" She grabbed Aoi and shook her around, pulling her down onto a nearby leather couch and grumbling the entire time.

Laughing, Aoi flicked her on the nose. "You'll just have to try harder next time."

"You can't even go a little easy on someone who was just in a coma?" she asked, trying to appear innocent.

"I'm teaching you the way of the world," she replied. "We're all hard and cold and merciless. It's for your own good."

"So this is what happens in the cutthroat world of idols," she said sternly, composure breaking a second later as they both began to laugh. Objectively, the joke wasn't nearly funny enough to warrant the amount of laughter it produced, but it wasn't so much the joke that brought it on. In truth, it was simply the overwhelming joy the two felt at being able to spend a normal day like this together after so long. So much time wasted, so many memories they would get to make, and nothing to distract them from any of it from now on.

Foreheads touched as they got themselves under control, Aoi pressing into Miyu as they laid there. She didn't know why she did that. Something about being here with her made her feel safe, so she instinctively tried to pull herself closer.

Then the unthinkable happened. Eyes meeting for only the briefest of moments before Miyu leaned up and kissed her. It lasted barely a fraction of a second, Aoi recoiling on reflex, several tense moments passing before either of them realized what had happened.

"Miyu..." She'd never kissed a girl before. More accurately, she'd never kissed anyone before, but this was a double dose of shock for obvious reasons. She wasn't upset by this as much as surprised, completely unaware of how Miyu seemed to have been feeling about her.

Which raised the question: How did she feel? Not bad, maybe. Good? She'd never considered the possibility she might want to kiss a girl before. It was scary to be perfectly honest but also a little exciting. What they did barely even qualified as one yet it still left her lips tingling with a feeling she couldn't quite put into words. It made her want to do it again.

"I'm so sorry," Miyu said, hands immediately moving to her sides from where they'd been on Aoi's back. "It was a mistake. I don't know why I did that. I was-" Whatever she was about to say would remain unsaid, her words cut off by Aoi's lips pressing against hers once again.

Just like before, Aoi had no clear idea what she was feeling now, only that she'd come far enough to realize that it felt good. That tingling from before had spread from her mouth all across her body, Miyu's soft, warm lips drawing her in deeper with each kiss.

She couldn't tell how much time had passed since they first started, only that it seemed like the world had stood still save for the two of them during those moments. Her cheeks felt hot as she backed off, Miyu's face looking just as red now that things had stopped. Neither moved to get away from one another nor did they try to speak, still processing everything that happened.

Finally, Miyu broke the silence in probably the least tactful way possible. "Guess the world isn't all that's hard these days."

Aoi jumped back, crossing her legs and covering her mouth in abject horror. "I'm sorry," she mumbled.

Miyu snorted, sitting up and moving towards her. "Don't be sorry. It's just funny." Then she grinned, moving her face closer and placing a hand on the inside of Aoi's thigh. "Maybe I could take care of that for you?"

"Miyu!" she squeaked, face practically glowing a bright pink. She'd just had her first kiss and was already being proposition for...that. Was this for real?

Miyu laughed again, waving a hand in front of her. "Just kidding! That's probably a little too forward." She moved herself away after that, stretching her legs off the side of the couch and sighing. "Still, that was intense. Sorry if I surprised you. I wasn't really thinking."

Aoi swallowed hard, looking to the ground. Everything was happening so fast. How was she supposed to cope with so many things so quickly? Moreover, how was Miyu so unfazed by all of this? Her brain just couldn't make sense of this, her body being of no help as it urged her onward to new and even scarier territory.

"Are you okay?" Miyu asked, concerned what with the fact Aoi hadn't said a word yet and was still curled up on top of herself in the corner of the couch. "I didn't mean to upset you. I'm sorry." She nearly reached out to her, holding herself back at the last moment. "Do you want me to leave?" she finally asked her, concern mixing with shame as the words came out of her mouth.

After a short deliberation, Aoi gave a weak shake of her head. With great effort, she managed to look to Miyu's face. Had she always been this beautiful? "Stay."

When viewed logically, they were still very much feeling out this relationship after so much time apart. Even so, the feelings of comfort and security she felt when near her friend were real. If she were to assume that this was true, then it would also stand to reason the same could be said about the heaviness in her chest and the yearning she was experiencing in this moment.

Aoi had literally died more than once yet this moment here was, without a doubt, the single most terrifying point in her life. Swallowing hard, she reached out and took Miyu's hand, finally asking the question that decidedly needed an answer. "Did you mean that?"

"Mean what?" she asked, voice lowering as she leaned in closer.

After a pause, she said, "The kiss."

Miyu squeezed Aoi's hand tighter, replying with, "Yes," almost immediately.

"Why?" she probed, still uncertain as to her friend's feelings.

She didn't hesitate in her response. "Because I like you. I think I like you, at least. I'm not sure about a lot of things anymore but this is one of the things I feel the most sure about."

"But why?" she asked, throat feeling dry. "I'm..."

"My hero," Miyu smiled. "Of course I'd like someone like that."

Aoi's heart skipped a beat. "I'm no hero," she argued, something in her head telling her to quash whatever feelings Miyu had here and now. "All I do is fail. I've never been able to help anyone and only end up needing others to save me. I'm not..." She swallowed again, hand slipping from Miyu's. "I'm not a hero. I'm not worthy of feelings like yours."

Suddenly, she felt her hand squeezed again, Miyu closing the gap between them until she was nearly on top of her. "None of that's true," she told her. "You saved me. And I've seen how you've helped other people, too. You've inspired so many. Even when you lose, you still get back up and keep trying."

She leaned in again, planting a long kiss on Aoi's lips. "Heroes don't always have to win; they just have to try. And that's why you're my hero. You're everything I could have ever wanted you to be when thinking of you was all I had."

Pulling her in to a tight hug, Miyu told her, "You deserve the whole world, Aoi. But I don't think I can give you that, so maybe you would be okay settling for my feelings for now?" She backed away, embarrassed by her own words. "That was kind of dumb, wasn't it?"

On the contrary, this brought Aoi to tears. After so much hardship, there was finally someone there to tell her that maybe in just some small way, her effort hadn't been entirely wasted. That maybe she wasn't as useless as she'd come to think of herself. This might have just been more selfishness on her part to have ever wanted that (wanting anything seemed selfish to her at this point), but for one glorious moment she didn't care about that right now. Right now, she didn't feel lonely or scared or unsafe. Right now, she felt loved.

Miyu held her as she cried, rubbing her back while she wept on her shoulder. "I'm sorry," she finally muttered as the tears began to dry. "You shouldn't see your hero like this."

"It takes someone strong to be this honest with how they feel," she said, wiping at Aoi's cheeks with the sleeve of her pink sweater. She gave her a pat on the head after that. "You don't have to feel ashamed about sharing your feelings with me. I want to understand you. I want to help you the same way you helped me. I don't want you to be afraid to let me see this side of you."

Aoi nodded. "Okay," she said. As much as she tried to restore her cool exterior, hearing those words felt like a weight was finally lifted from her very soul. Vulnerability was hard for her. It always had been. Not only was it reassuring to know that there was at least one person out there she could depend on to understand her, she actually believed it when Miyu said it.

Miyu gave Aoi another pat on the head. "Speaking of," she began, clearing her throat, "do you have an answer for me?" Almost immediately, she added, "You can think about it for a little while if you want. I mean, it's not urgent. Take however long you want. I don't want to pressure you."

It took a few seconds to register that she was talking about love. Aoi blushed again, biting her bottom lip. "I..." She tried to piece the words together as best as she could. "I don't...know."

"That's okay," Miyu told her. "You don't have to-"

"Wait," she said. "Let me finish." Aoi took a deep breath to collect herself, summoning her courage. "I don't really know how I feel right now. I'm not sure if I feel like that about you." She bit her lip again, looking to Miyu hopefully. "But if you...can put up with me not knowing, I could maybe...try to figure it out. If you helped me, at least."

"I would never put up with you," she replied. "Spending time with you is never bad, so I won't be putting up with anything. I'll love every second of it." She pulled her into another hug, stroking her hair.

"Thank you," she said, returning the hug twice as tight. "And if it's not too much trouble, would you...kiss me again? I think it might help me figure things out."

Miyu laughed, pressing her forehead against Aoi's. "I think I could do that," she said coyly, bringing their lips together once more.

* * *

Here I go writing more stuff about a show I hate. When will I learn?

I don't think it's very controversial to say that Aoi's whole "arc" was probably one of the worst parts of VRAINS. I'd rather not launch into a dissertation on the genuinely impressive amounts of misogyny that went into writing almost every aspect of this character, so I'll leave it at that. The part that's most relevant here and what we've addressed some is how the show seemed to feel that Aoi not devoting every single moment of her time and ounce of willpower to helping others was selfishness. So here, Aoi is finally allowed to be "selfish" (read: happy) without the narrative trying to smite her with the fucking hand of God.

If I do any follow ups here, I'd really like to try and nail down a character for Miyu considering she wasn't actually a character in the show. I tried to roll with what little we had and make her a more upbeat foil to Aoi, but she's realistically got some thoughts about the fact she's spent around half her life in a coma. Would probably be interesting to explore that.

Since most of you are not going to catch it, Aoi is trans here just like she is in canon because that makes her an infinitely more interesting character. Also adds whole new dimensions worth of baggage to how badly they treated her here, so maybe it's a good thing the show never brought it up? Either way, she gets to be happy and live a quiet life full of girlfriend headpats and she doesn't have to worry about horrible men inflicting violence on her anymore.

That's all I have here. Thanks for reading. Share if you enjoyed. Always remember to treat Aoi warmly.


End file.
